I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
