Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
