a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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