But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
