you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
