Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Randomize
