I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
