Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
