There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
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