the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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