Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
