I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
Randomize
