I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
