Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
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