What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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