I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
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