her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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