you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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