the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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