I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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