I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
