Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
