yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
