you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Randomize
