Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Randomize
