around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
