Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
