i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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