Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
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