I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
