I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
