So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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