it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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