This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
