Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
not ubering you a puppy
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
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