just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
