Are we in a gay sports bar?
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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