So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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