Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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