Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
