My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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