I CAN MOONWALK!
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
