Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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