dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
