We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
