Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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