Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
