he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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