I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
