There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
