ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
