how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
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