We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
