just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Randomize
