my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Can I color on your dick again?
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize
