I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
When did angry sex become our thing?
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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