i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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