dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Randomize
