he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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