I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Randomize
