i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
