if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
