i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
