everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
do herpes really smell.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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