you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
