you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
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