I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
