yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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