who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
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