What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
