I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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