OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
